Only in America......

The battery on my laptop died recently which mandated a call to Dell Customer Service which in my book, is about as fun as a root canal.

Here's how the conversation went:

Dell Dude: (somewhere in India). Thank you for calling Dell Customer Service. My name is Jonathan Appleby and I will be assisting you this evening. May I have your home phone number?

Me : (looks out the window to confirm it's morning and thinks to herself "Jonathan, my ass") 555-555-5555.

Dell Dude : And your given name, please?

Me: Angela

Dell Dude : Yes, Miss Angela, can you confirm your home number?

Me : It's the number I just gave you.

Dell Dude : Um oh yes, okay Miss Angela. Can I have the last four digits of your account number?

Me : I do NOT have that.

Dell Dude : I am thanking you for your permission to assist you, please.

Me : ::sighs::

Dell Dude : Can I confirm with you the spelling of your family name?

Me : What?

Dell Dude : Your last name, Miss Angela

Me : D E B E N.....

Dell Dude : D B E N ....

Me : No. ::pregnant pause::

Dell Dude : My apologies, Miss Angela. Let's try that again, shall we?

Me : (spells it again even faster this time)

Dell Dude : Let me see if I have that correctly. B as in Bravo, E as in Echo, D as in Delta, N as in November, E as in Echo...

Me : N as in.......Negative (growing somewhat exasperated by this time)

Dell Dude : I'm very sorry, m'am. Let me try again. D as in Delta, E as in Echo, B as in Bravo E as in Echo, N as in November, E as in Echo...

Me : (her "inner child" starts misbehaving and the voice in her head shouts out "CHAI WAILLA*!).

Me: Roger that!

Dell Dude : I am begging your pardon, Miss Angela?

Me: Never mind

(Being that my last name is eleven letters long with five e's, b's, d's and n's, this continues on for several more minutes and the real issue at hand has not even been addressed). Finally I blurt out:

Me : No offense, SIR but what we have here is a "fail-yuh tuh co-myoo ni cate". Is there a
number I can call in America to speak with an...........American?

Dell Dood: My apologies m'am. Yes that number is 555-555-5555. Is there anything else I can assist you with?

Me: You're kidding me, right? No.

Dell Dood: Well, Miss Angela. I'd like to take this opportunity to say thank you for shopping with Dell. I hope I have provided you exceptional service. If you need to reference this..........

Me: (click)

This is just a glimpse of what is wrong with "Corporate America". In an effort to maximize profits, large companies are "restructuring" (read: terminating employees) and outsourcing their call centers to 3rd world countries. While this may bode well for the company, it kinda blows for the consumer.

Wonders what happened to the old adage "the customer is king?"

*character in Slumdog Millionaire

This video is for an old friend......

You know who you are....And this without out training - LOL. We refer to it as "playing dead" cockroach-style

I've got you under my skin.....

Being that I am an ardent follower of several blogs, it seems that I spend most of my free time reading them. I've noticed several disturbing trends amongst the bloggers I follow and if they keep this crap up, I'll happily go back to feeding my eBay addiction.

Evidently, there is a Blogging 101 book out there that mandates the following:

Periods Galore
When making a point, insert a period after.Every.Single.Word. This technique shows your readers that you throw sentence structure to the wind and just gives your blog an edgy feel - just like the hundreds of other bloggers that do it.

"I threw up in my mouth a little".
This phrase is "officially" dead. It was funny the first time I heard it. Now it's just.....stupid

"Loose" for "lose."
No explanation needed.

Interwebz/Interwebs/Interwibble
The choice of Malapropism lovers the world over!

Just Sayin'
Why has it become necessary for people to end every post with these two words?

Hyperactive LOL'rs!
I have a feeling they are the very same folks who sit near me in the movie theater and laugh through the whole fling-flangin' movie!

And my personal favorite,

Oh hell to the no!

She's Baaaaack!

I knocked myself out of a commission, internet-wise, for a few precious days. A quick visit from my much revered IT dude, Tang, and I am back on track and cooking with gas! Only problem is, I got nothing to write about.

I 'spose I could vent about stuff that irritates me but then I could go on all day. I could mention that someone hacked my Facebook password and posted some inane comments on my behalf. I wondered why someone would even bother to hack a password and my trusty IT guy told me that they could spam my "friends". Doesn't seem that an additional piece of spam email is going to throw anyone over the edge. Most of my friends are over the edge already.

I guess I could ramble on but I'd rather go read my book, "The Mole People". It's about the people who live underground in New York City. Sounds intriguing right?

Thanks Sprinkes!

I've been tagged by Sprinkles; one of the two subscribers to my blog. She's always one to provide comments on my blog and now she's went ahead and given me the Honest Scrap award! This award is given to bloggers who write from the heart.

These are the rules:

1. Tell everyone 10 things about you they may not know but that are true

2. Tag five bloggers with this award

1. I have become seriously addicted to a forum and have even resorted to dragging my laptop in the bathroom when I am getting ready in the mornings to catch up on posts.

2. I've just lost 40 lbs. and am working on another 20 lbs.

3. Even though almost everything I sew/craft is primarily in pinks, I don't have a pink room in my house!

4. My favorite book is Molokai' by Alan Brennert

5. I currently have 24 pairs of pants for work; 18 of them are black (??)

6. Even though I nitpick my husband to death, he is one of the most decent human beings that I know.

7. Everything IS better on a Ritz!

8. I change my sheets every three days

9. I absolutely cannot stand reality television and would prefer to watch reruns of "Dick Van Dyke" instead.

10. I love my little Chihuahua "Bertie" more than any human being should be allowed to love a dog.

In giving this award to my five favorite bloggers:

1. Neamh Álainn
2. Someplace in Thyme
3. All in My Cottage
4. Gigi Minor
5. Tamara

Take care!

Bye Bye Kiosk Nazis!!

Do you remember your favorite mall BEFORE kiosks came onto the scene? I used to take pleasure in being able to casually stroll the maul mall while shopping. Shopping for me, was a time to relax. However.....

With the advent of the mall kiosk and their hyper-aggressive sales people, I had to change my shopping habits. I never made eye contact with these folks. When I saw one of these people approaching me, I would instantly become a pseudo-celebrity and whip out my cell phone and be so engrossed in my "conversation" that they wouldn't dare bother me - - but they did.

"Excuse, m'am! Can I ask you a question?" asks the gal with the disheveled hair who happens to be wielding a leopard print flat-iron. I say "Sorry, no time." "Two minutes, I promise" says the over-ambitious young lady. "Please?". "No thanks" I mutter and continue on my way only to be accosted by yet another kiosk Nazi just a few feet ahead whose sole existence is to try and convince me to buy whatever crap he is selling. We partake in the same conversation I had with the flat-iron chick and I quickly find my way to the nearest exit to seek refuge in the front seat of my car.

It got to the point where I found myself planning covert maneuvers; stealthily sneaking from store to store trying to avoid the "kiosk people" at all costs. Shopping had indeed become a pain in the ass!

Yesterday during a visit to our local mall, I had discovered that the lotion squirters, cellular pitchmen and aromatherapy peddlers have all closed up shop. It was at that moment that I felt a little better about the downturn in our economy.

However, in their place, we now have TWO eyebrow threading kiosks (have you seen how they do this??), another that offers reflexology massages (in the middle of the mall!) and a kiosk manned by a "Maytag Repairman-esque" real estate agent.

All THAT being said, if I ever happen to meet the marketing genius behind the mall kiosk idea, I would bend him over and shove a leopard-print flat iron right where the sun don't shine!

Happy Birthday Grandpa!

Happy Birthday Grandpa!

Although you've been gone for over fourteen years, I still love and miss you as much as ever. I never took the time to tell you how much you really meant to me; blame it on my youth. I took things for granted and it took becoming an adult to realize that you were the foundation for almost every happy childhood memory of mine.

If I listen really closely, I can still hear the little ditty you used to hum so often and the smell of Listerine STILL reminds me of you.

You were a purely wonderful part of my life and I hope to God there is a heaven and I hope to God, I'll go there so I can see you once again. Until then, I remain your loving granddaughter.

Angela

It's Never Too Early to Start!

Actually, it is too early to start thinking about Christmas but I love the way this turned out.

I have been purchasing vintage ornaments from eBay like a madwoman! I had actually wanted to make one substantially larger but the ornaments shown here have actually cost me a pretty penny so far.

Whaddya think?

It's Official! My stepson hates me!

For graduation from high school, my stepson went on a seven-day cruise to Mexico. In these days of the H1N1 virus who knows why his mom would choose Mexico but I digress.

He returned home yesterday with gifts for all of us. He gave my youngest daughter a cute little silver bracelet and hubby got a nice T-shirt from a popular bar in Mazatlan. I expected the usual coffee cup with some sort of Princess Cruise logo - cool, I thought because I needed a new coffee cup.

As he handed me my gift bag, he prefaced the gift with the following comments "I hope you'll like this. I think you'll like it. When I saw it, it reminded me of you. It's cute, ha?"


As I unwrapped this THING from it's Mexican newspaper cocoon, I exclaimed in delight "Oh My God, it's, (long pregnant pause as I tried to figure out what it was), a violin playing dolphin. How cute is that?"

Now bear in mind, throughout the years I have received many gifts from my children. I've gotten picture frames made out of gold spray painted macaroni and Popsicle sticks, necklaces made out of paper wrapped paperclips and was even the proud owner of a yarn necklace strung with fruit loops.

Never have I received something as interesting as this.


Which leads me to the following question, what opinion does my stepson have of me that a horrid violin-playing dolphin reminds him of me? And more importantly, is this made from a breakable medium?

My dearest stepson is not an avid internet user so there is no danger of him finding my review....I hope.

40 lbs. and counting!

To date, I have lost 40 lbs which is equal to the number of new humans in the photo to the left.

It's been an arduous journey to say the least. Starbucks is a thing of the past as are the Friday donuts.

Do I feel better? Honestly? Not really. The reason for the weight loss was partially for vanity but the real impetus was my "broken" digestive tract. I literally spent years in pain and in February after an Endoscopy and finger-waggin' by my Gastroenterologist, I decided to follow the doc's instructions by "Eating to Live" not "Living to Eat".

With the weight loss, came the need to purchase clothes that fit! I am quite relieved to discover that I no longer need to purchase "big gal" clothes. Gone is the need for fabric that stretches . I can actually wear a belt without looking like a dork.

Will I keep the weight off? Only time will tell but as of right now, it's my intention to see "how low I can go"

WANTED: Owner's Manual for a Female 1996 Model Child

I hope someone out there might be able to help. I need the detailed instruction manual for a 1996 model child.

We are the original owners/parents. For the first ten years, no real complaints. Everything seemed to run smoothly and work great. Then suddenly I would notice little things here and there, like the child’s eyes rolling almost every time I spoke. This was one of the first of many malfunctions. A few of the others are:

Child’s room, along with pretty much any place in the house she spends time in, are complete disaster zones. The upkeep is really taking its toll. Trails of little wrappers, garbage, empty food containers and dirty cups follow her everywhere.

Subject has also begun to slam doors.

The maintenance costs have also skyrocketed. The “needed” stuff to participate in all the typical daily female activities has gone up more than 500% in a 5 year period. Even with the added tax benefit she brings, I am WAY in the red on this investment.

We’re also having several annoying communication errors. When the child is asked questions, or you try to talk to her, her answers almost always contain just one syllable, spoken in aggravated tone. Unit is also making a “Tssss” sound. This is often in conjunction with the eye rolling, and accompanied by a terribly disdainful vibe.

If someone out there, anybody, anywhere, has the manual for this model child I’d gladly pay anything for it! Must contain the “Troubleshooting, Solutions & Adolescence” section. I’m sure many of you will just tell us to read the “Ass Beatings are a Good Thing” chapter. It probably would help the problem, & we haven’t yet ruled that out. Just want to start with the legal solutions.

I am the flag of the
United States of America

I fly atop the world's tallest buildings.
I stand watch in America's halls of justice.
I stand side by side with the Maple Leaf on the world's
longest undefended border.
I fly majestically over institutions of learning.
I stand guard with power in the world.
Look up and see me.

I stand for peace, honor, truth and justice.
I stand for freedom.
I am confident.
I am arrogant.
I am proud.

When I am flown with my fellow banners,
my head is a little higher,
my colors a little truer.

I bow to no one!
I am recognized all over the world.
I am honored - I am saluted.
I am loved - I am revered.
I am respected -- and I am feared.

I have fought in every battle of every war for more than 200 years. I was flown at Valley Forge, Gettysburg, Shiloh and Appomattox. I was there at San Juan Hill, the trenches of France, in the Argonne Forest, Anzio, Rome and the beaches of Normandy, Guam, Okinawa, Korea and KheSan, Saigon Vietnam.

Know me, I was there.

I led my troops, I was dirty, battle worn and tired,
but my soldiers cheered me, and I was proud.
I have been burned, torn and trampled on the streets of countries I have helped set free. It does not hurt, for I am invincible.

I have been soiled upon, burned, torn and trampled on the streets of my country. And when it's by those whom I've served in battle -- it hurts.
But I shall overcome -- for I am strong.

I have slipped the bonds of Earth and stood watch over the uncharted frontiers of space from my vantage point on the moon.
I have borne silent witness to all of America's finest hours.

But my finest hours are yet to come.
When I am torn into strips and used as bandages for my wounded comrades on the battlefield,
When I am flown at half-mast to honor my soldiers,
or when I lie in the trembling arms of a grieving parent at the grave of their fallen son or daughter, I am proud.

MY NAME IS OLD GLORY LONG MAY I WAVE!

Please take a moment to remember those who gave their lives to preserve our freedom and protect our country.

When you see military personnel, thank them for everything they do. Keep them in your thoughts and pray for their safety.

Shame on You, Marshall Mathers ( Eminem )

I consider myself to be a lover of most music and I'm not ashamed to admit that I used to listen to Enimen years ago. Despite that fact that his language was foul, I dug most of his sarcastic, "Slim Shady" songs.

Thinking that his latest album "Relapse" would be more of the same, I picked up a copy. Imagine, a 44 year old woman at Target tossing an Eminem CD in her cart - right next to the "Hanes Her Way" 8-pack but enough about my underpants (ain't no way you can refer to them as "panties").

I got in the car and popped the CD in and listened to it while I had to drive to the city. I knew his the lyrics would be profane but being that I am big believer in using profanity, "every day and every way", this did not deter or shock me.

What did shock me were the actual lyrics. Eminem's not much younger than me and I'm quite concerned about the message he's willfully sending out to young adults. In several songs, there were references to mood-altering drugs thus the album's title "Relapse".

There was a song about him picking up a girl on the side of the road and raping her. There was also references to him being raped and forced to perform oral sex on his stepfather while being burned with cigarettes. One song, "Medicine Ball", prompted the removal of this garbage from my CD player. In this "song" (and I use the word "song" loosely), he raps about giving a girl an abortion with a wire hanger and eating the fetus. As if it could get any worse, he imitates Christopher Reeves "gasping for air" for shock" value, I guess.

Having said that, I can honestly state that "Relapse" is vile, a complete waste of money and if this is this is the sort of music Eminem makes while in sobriety, someone get him a "hit of something", stat!

Stila's Back online and they have Creme Bouquet!!

www.stilacosmetics.com

At this point, they only have the smaller roll on in stock but it's there. Grab it while you can!!!

Controversy

I cannot believe the controversy surrounding Carrie Prejean’s (Miss California 2009) personal beliefs on gay marriage. These are HER personal convictions. Whether or not her statement was “politically correct”, how can a free-thinking individual be chastised for stating what they believe (whether society thinks it’s right, wrong or indifferent)?

I commend her for holding true to her own personal convictions. Surely, she realized that her answer would offend many. Would it have been better if she had compromised her own beliefs/values to appease the judges and audience in order to win the Miss USA title?

The Constitution of the United States affords its citizens the right to freedom of speech as well as the right to freedom of religion. Human Rights Laws state that people should not be discriminated due to their religious creed, color, sexual orientation, political orientation, age, marital status, etc. Why then, is Ms. Prejean being chastised for speaking her opinion on this topic? She’s competing in a beauty pageant – not the presidency of the United States, folks.

According to gossip monger, Perez Hilton (Mario Lavanderia), Miss California is wrong, wrong, wrong! He has taken the opportunity to public lambaste Miss California for her beliefs. Furthermore, he stated that she lost the competition not because of her beliefs on gay marriage but because she is a “stupid b*tch”.



These comments coming from the person who takes to bashing ANY celebrity for ANY reason without taking their feelings into consideration. Case in point: The daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, Rumer Willis. Perez Hilton constantly makes snarky comments with respect to her looks and then to assuage his readers (or perhaps, his guilt?) he will then post something with respect to a “worthy cause.” No amount of glitter and ribbons will transform a pile of poop. In the end, it’s still a pile of poop.

I took some time out to speak with an acquaintance who is a) gay and b) married; and his opinion on the whole situation pretty much mirrored mine. He also took time to mention that in no way, shape or form, is Perez Hilton a positive role model in the gay community.

For what it’s worth, I for one, believe that ANY two people who want to be married should be allowed to marry; man and woman, man and man and woman and woman. That’s MY belief and I don’t feel the need to defend nor be discriminated against for my own personal beliefs. Would my answer be the same in a public forum at the risk of offending my adversaries? Of course! This is America folks! Live and let live!

Meow Meow Meow Meow

**UPDATE: Good News! Mama came and reclaimed her brood. Phew!

Well, my dear husband is bringing home FOUR abandoned kittens today! Evidently, they've been at his shop and Mama cat is nowhere to be found.

My husband called the SPCA to come out and rescue them and because they are under three weeks old, they were going to euthanize them. It turns out that my hubby does have a super juge heart as he refused to let the SPCA take them (everyone say "awwwww")

So now, I'm off to buy kitten formula and baby bottles. I have hand-raised two newborn pups before (Fred & Ethel) so it should be relatively the same.

The hard part is when we have to find them new homes.

At least this new situation is keeping my mind off the fact that my eldest daughter left for Idaho this morning to attend school for three months.

Happy Easter

Dear Stila Creme Bouquet, I am discontinuing You!

We are so ovah, darling! I've waited and waited months for you to come back. Oh, you made me promises that you'd be back and you were, just long enough for me to grab three measly roll-on bottles. Out of fear, I ran back to buy more and like Houdini, you were gone. As a matter of fact, the while stinkin' site is gone.

Well Stila, I am discontinuing you! No longer do I need to wait for your perfume because I've found a new favorite scent and it's awesome!

It's called L de Lolita Lempicka and it's not just a replacement, it's significantly nicer. So in effect, thank you. Thank you for running a very nice scent into the crapper. Had you learned how to properly run your business, I'd still be wearing you.

The Descent of the Pillar of Strength

Today I had my 2nd ocular migraine. The first time I had it five years ago, I was quite certain that I was either having a stroke or an aneurysm. A anxiety-ridden trip to my hospital's emergency ward, dispelled my worst fears as the ER doc diagnosed it as an Ocular Migraine.

Today's episode hit me in a very crowded shopping mall. I was actually able to identify it immediately and NOT freak out. Being the die-hard shopper that I am, I continued shopping in spite of the fireworks in front of my eyes.

We made it home, just in time for the regular migraine and the "sweats" to set in. Damn!

Argh....and Sh*t

I'll be back soon. I'm so drained from working and planning funerals for my stepson's grandma and uncle that I can barely formulate a coherent sentence. Have a great Sunday.

What's the deal with 2?

It's been a difficult two weeks for me as my co-worker has been out for that amount of time due to two herniated discs in her back.

Last week, I lost two members of my extended family. My stepson's grandmother and uncle passed away on the same day in an unrelated manner. As one can imagine the family is distraught. I am doing my best to assist them in whatever manner I can. Two more days and the services will be completed and this poor family can begin to put back together their lives.

In two weeks, my eldest daughter will be moving to Idaho to go to school.

Oh two, how I've come to loathe you.....

Just a nag

Blah....

and that's all I have to say for today.

Textual Intercourse

Dear Society,

I regret to inform you that I have purchased a new cell phone for my youngest daughter. This new cell phone has a flip-out keypad, a camera, a video recorder, comes pre-loaded with games and other software and oh yeah, it places and receives telephone calls! I have purchased the unlimited message plan so I won't have to incur charges equal to the national deficit. Do you know what this means for you?

It means that she will join the throngs of others who wander aimlessly with phones directly in front of them, big grins and thumbs moving faster than the speed of light.

Please accept my apologies in advance for the non-stop barrage of message indicator beeps/tones/music that will be emitted from her new phone.

In the few minutes that I have taken to compose this letter, I have received THREE text messages from my little darling. She has the most important things to say!

Things such as:

funky!

and

this sucks!

and my all time favorite:

I'm bored!

Please note, I am not a fan of text messages. I find it much easier to actually make a phone call rather than to fiddle with those keys but from what I've witnessed in restaurants, movie theaters, concerts, in cars, ANYWHERE, I am not in the majority.

Once again, please accept my sincerest apologies.

Where do I start?

This morning I discovered that someone "pee'd" on my new down pillow! I'm not mentioning any names.......but when she sleeps, she looks super cute:

So at 4:45 a.m., I stripped the bed, threw the pillow in the washer and proceeded with my morning.

Before I left for work, I made sure that my kitchen was clean - sink was scrubbed, counters were cleaned off, swept the floor, wiped down the microwave, etc. I have a thing about coming home to a relatively clean house.

I KNEW what this was. It's drywall! When I walked through the front door, I saw this:

The wall between my kitchen and living room had vanished!

Mind you, I had a ver-r-r-y tough day today. My work is undergoing "reorganization" which is a sanitized word meaning layoffs. (I'm still employed but who knows for how long).

My co-worker has a slipped disc in her back so I have to do her job as well as my job for the whole week while undertaking a special project as well.


I have a new puppy and work very hard to make sure that the floor is clean so she can't choke on anything.


Did I mention that disarray tends to make me nervous?



I make it a habit NOT to swear on this blog but if I did, I would say %^&* and #$%^&*! and%^&*-%^&*!

I love my husband but it's taking all I can not to wring his ^&* neck!

Gettin' Our Twilight On .....again!

Since I am a parent of an "official" teenager, my youngest daughter and I had to rush out to our local Target to ensure that we could buy the Twilight movie on the day it was released.

We've seen the movie when it was first released in the theatres and I've read the first two books.

I would much rather watching a never ending loop of Twilight than Jon and Kate Plus Eight which is what my youngest has been watching for what seems like forever!! Kate just plain irks me and those screaming meemies, oh Lord!

Live from the Hospital ER

I just ended a three hour stint in the emergency department in one of San Francisco's busiest hospitals on a Friday night

Talk about overcrowded and understaffed! Patients were literally on gurneys in the hallways waiting to be seen.

I can't help but feel like I caught every germ that was floating around that hospital.

Off to take some Airborne and get some much needed sleep!

Stila Creme Bouquet is F-I-N-A-L-L-Y Back in Stock!

................but since I fear that they may "run out" again, I bought three bottles online today. I feel like such a hoarder! But at least I'll be a good-smelling hoarder!

While we're on the subect of showtunes

Another girly-girl song "I Enjoy Being A Girl" by Nancy Kwan. I always that she was just gorgeous and I love "Flower Drum Song". I wish my mirrors worked this way =)

My OCD Song of The Day - Bye Bye Birdie Ann Margaret

A note to my hairdresser

I think we need to see other people.

I've been going to you for at least 12 years now. There have been a few times when I've strayed and found a new stylist but for one reason or another, I always wind up coming back.

I'm not sure why I always come back. I think it's because of the super easy-to-find parking and proximity to my home. Plus I KNOW what my hair will turn out like and for these last three or four years, predictability has been good but now I am ready for a change and it seems you are reluctant to change.

You have to admit, I am a loyal and very easy-to-please client. Thanks to my pigment "deficiency", I get my hair colored every four weeks. Every eight weeks, I get my hair cut and every 16 weeks, highlights. At $60/haircut, $80/touchup and $130/highlights, you can see that I am a steady and veritable "cash cow" and I always tip you at least 20%.

So why are you ALWAYS in a rush? ALWAYS behind schedule? Asking me to come in early or having me wait because you're running behind? Why do you try to stick it to me with overpriced hair products? Why am I always leaving with dripping wet hair?

How come I never get my hair done like my mom used to? When she had a hair appointment, she always came home looking like a movie star. I always come home looking worse than when I went it.......except there's no gray.

It's not you. It's me. I need someone who can give me more

Angela

Last stop before The Poor House!

Sometimes, it seems I spend money just to spend money and in these uncertain times, I should be saving instead of spending.

My purchases are never over-the-top expensive but some times, they are quite odd.

The people at my bank must get a kick out of generating my monthly statement.

In the month of February, I bought:

• A HUGE bag of chicken feed along with five one-day old chickens! After coming to grips with sanity, I canceled the baby chicken order but forgot to cancel the chicken feed order. I can't even begin to describe the look on my husband's face when he took the 50 lb. bag of chicken feed from the UPS driver (yes, 50 freakin' pounds of chicken feed!). I just stood with a vapid stare on my face. How do you explain to your husband that you wanted to buy chicken food and a "chicken" friend for the lonely chicken at work and instead accidentally wound up buying 50 lbs of chicken food when you thought it said 5 lbs. Furthermore, the listing for the baby chickens NEVER said they were one-day old until after I paid for them! However, they were quite a terrific bargain at .65 each!
  
• Next I purchased a puppy - off the internet! She's quite a treasure but most people (most "normal" people, anyway) would balk at purchasing a puppy without actually seeing it. That gamble paid off big time because she's awesome.
• Moving along, I purchased my stepson's tattoo. Since he was a young boy, he told me that the day he turned 18, he wanted to get a tattoo and he wanted me to make him. Flattery will win me over every time. So we (hubby and I) forked over the money to get his "coming of age" tattoo. Of course, after that, I talked to the tattoo artist and discussed ways to cover up a regretted tattoo on my ankle and so there was the down payment for THAT.

So let's see: Chickens? Check! Chicken Feed? Check! Puppy? Check! Tattoos? Check! Oh yeah and I bought a "Buddha Board". What is a Buddha Board you inquire? There's a picture in the upper left-hand corner of this post.

Years ago, I visited this cool New Age/Spiritualist/Religion Boutique and wasted an inordinate amount of time with this with this artistic inspiration set toy.

Yes in all actuality, it's a toy, dammit. Think along the lines of painting water on rice paper. The water dries and like MAGIC, the picture is gone!

Come to think of it, I could've bought one of these for under $4.


You know what they say about "a fool and his money". Anyhoo, hubby says we gotta start savin' more so I guess I"ll be blogging MORE and shopping LESS. Yay

Stila Creme Bouquet - Is It Discontinued or Not??

I can't get a straight answer from these folks and I am so frustrated! I LOVE this scent and judging by the hits to my blog, I am not the only one.

Here's an email I sent to them and the response I received from Stila this morning:

Hmm.....I've been looking and looking and Stila Creme Bouquet is still not available. Believe it or not, I blogged about it and most of the hits to my blog are from others doing a Google search about Stila Creme Bouquet being discontinued.

I've waited long enough and will be searching for my new "favorite" perfume. What a shame.

Angela

Angela,

Unfortunately we do not have stock at this time, we are expecting a shipment in sometime next month. They have not given us a specific date on when it will become available. Please check back with us in a few weeks.

Thank you,

Stila Customer Care

Am I alone in my thinking that "unavailability" is some sort of marketing ploy and when it finally comes back into stock, we will see a substantial price increase?

Are there any of you out there who have found a suitable replacement? And if so, can you let me know? Gwen Stefani's "Harajuku Baby" scent smells pretty good but is a little too young for my tastes.

Thanks and have a great day!

This is the Song I Plan To Torment My Co-Worker with Tomorrow!

Recipe - Corned Beef and Cabbage

1	large sweet onion (Bermuda, Maui or Spanish), sliced
1	well-trimmed corned beef brisket (3 to 3 1/2 lb)
3/4	teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
1	cup Progresso® reduced-sodium chicken broth (from 32-oz carton)
1	tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1/2	cup sour cream
1	tablespoon cream-style prepared horseradish
2	tablespoons chopped fresh parsley

	Print these coupons...
	About Concordance™

Total Time: 5 hours 30 min

	In 5- to 6-quart slow cooker, place onion. Thoroughly rinse beef; discard seasoning packet. Place beef on onion; sprinkle with red pepper flakes. Mix broth and Worcestershire sauce; pour over beef.
.	Cover; cook on Low heat setting 8 to 9 hours.

Our Baby Chi, Berty

Our Little Miss Berty is getting along just fine! I don't have much opportunity to photograph her as either she is glued to my side or she's running around like a little psycho terrorizing our two cats.

We are having lots of fun with her!

Spring Ahead! Fall Back!

At 2 a.m. tomorrow morning, the West Coast will officially gain another hour or so of daylight. I'm not sure why we change back and forth. As a child, I was told that it was so farmers could have extra daylight to tend to their fields. Dark or light, I have no fields to tend to but I do appreciate the extra daylight.

Aside from having an extra hour of daylight, there's one more miracle that Daylight Savings Time brings - the clock in my car will be accurate! It's been about an hour slow (or is it fast?) for the last 4 1/2 months. When I purchased my car, the "system" (that's new school for "radio") had been upgraded yet they forgot to include the manual!

I've pushed every button; every combination of buttons. I've pushed buttons while it the radio was on, pushed more buttons while it was off - no dice! Daylight Savings Time seems to be my only solution. So until that dreaded day early morning in November when we go back to Standard time, the clock in my car will be right!

All is good!

Thanks again, Jason!

Most moms wouldn't take their 18 year old sons to get a tattoo but then I'm NOT like most moms. While we are by no means "white trash", I like to refer to us as "white clutter".

Anyhow getting back to the topic at hand:
Ever since my stepson was a young boy, he told me that when he turned 18, he wanted to get a tattoo.

Rather than have him venture to some seedy tattoo shop with questionable hygiene practices, I brought him to an upscale tattoo shop to get his tattoo, Daly City Tattoo in Daly City, California. He had an initial consultation with the shop's owner, Jason and last night, Philip got his tattoo

I urged my son to research a design and because I believe that tattoos are symbolic of one's life, I "helped" him to decide that a baseball would be the best choice.

Philip's been an avid lover of baseball since his little chubby fingers could get a firm grip around a baseball. He's played in Little League, Bronco's, the Local Joe D League and plays on his high school's varsity team. I'm hoping I can retire when he hits the Big League!

I love the way his tattoo turned out although it's substantially larger than I had envisioned. I must say that when he got into the chair, things got a little dicey. He began to sweat profusely, turned a scary shade of green and the tattooist declared a brief break. We brought him outside, gave him some juice and a piece of chocolate and the kid was like brand new!

After his 2-hour session was over, my son proudly proclaimed that he was ready for the NEXT tattoo. Visions of lifewreckers (neck tattoos) popped in to my head. Oh. Hell.To.The.No! What madness have I unleashed? Actually, the cost of his tattoo should be enough of a deterrent for a while.....

Brilliant Concept, Difficult Execution!

There are a few companies out there who have come out with protective rubber tips to place on your cat's claws in order to prevent them from doing damage to your furniture or accidentally scratching your puppy. Mind you Olly hasn't scratched Bertie as of yet but I have witnessed a few swats and the thought of him catching her in the eye is quite scary.

De-clawing is completely out of the question as Olly tends to venture out when he gets the chance to sneak out the front door. I've done some reading about these rubber nail tips and read an online tutorial. It looked so easy! Both the owner and cat looked like they were actually enjoying putting them on/having them put on.

So tonight I bought the rubber nail tips. According to the tutorial, it was gonna be "Easy Peasy!".

I secured Ollie in my lap and have to dig through his very, very furry paws to find the nail. Once I have located the nail, I discovered that I can't see. So I stop, put down the cat and hunt for my glasses. I locate the spare glasses because who knows where my regular reading glasses are.

Back to square one, I secure the cat in my lap, grab a rubber tip and then discover that the spout off the glue needs to be cut. Down goes the cat and I can't find any scissors (mind you, I sew and have scissors everywhere but can't find one) and I begin to scream out for someone to help me find a pair of scissors.

My daughter comes out and brings me a pair of hemostats (I use these for turning thin tubes of fabric). Five minutes later, I find the scissors and again I pick up the cat, pick up a rubber tip. Squirt the glue on his claw and he screams and hisses and bites and scratches! Oh.Hell.To.The.No.And.Ouch.Too!

My glasses fly off my head and I discover that I have successfully adhered the rubber tip and the glue tube to the top of his paw! Ollie looks now looks like he should be floating in a jar in some freak show circus.

At this point, I enlist the help of my husband and tell him to grab a sweatshirt (to wrap the cat) and come and help me. He walks into the living room whilst putting on his sweatshirt (!!) and I look at him with cockeyed glasses and rivulets of sweat dripping down my forehead and through clenched teeth inform him that the sweatshirt is to wrap the cat in.

Again we begin. The cat is hissing and meowing like crazy and his breath stinks like he's got a whole school of fish in his mouth. Finally after a moment, I get the first tip on. We were successful in adhering seven tips to this guy. I think we are all a little emotionally spent after this ordeal.

Next time, I'll gladly pay the $30 fee the cat place charges! Evidently, the cat they used in the tutorial must be strung out on some heavy tranquilizers.

Arancini - Yum!

To serve 4 you'll need:

• 1 1/2 cups rice
• Half a packet of saffron (a few pistils, about 1/8 teaspoon)
• 1 cup grated Parmigiano (freshly grated, not from a can)
• 4 eggs
• 2/3 pound (300 g) ground beef
• 2 tablespoons tomato paste
• 1 clove garlic
• 1/2 a small onion
• A packed quarter cup dried porcini
• 1/3 cup olive oil
• 1/2 cup dry red wine
• 1/4 pound mozzarella or fresh, soft provolone (if you're in Sicily you will want to use canestrato fresco)
• 1 cup fresh peas, boiled
• Flour
• Bread crumbs
• Salt and Pepper
• Oil for frying
• Organically grown orange leaves (optional, as garnish)

Begin by preparing the filling:

Finely slice the onion and mince the garlic, and sauté the mixture in the olive oil until it wilts. Stir in the ground meat, continue cooking until it is well browned, and then stir in the wine. While it's evaporating, dilute the tomato paste in a ladle of warm water and stir it in. Season the mixture to taste, and simmer it over a very low flame for a couple of hours, adding more warm water or broth as necessary to keep it from drying out. Towards the end of the cooking time, steep the dried mushrooms in boiling water for a few minutes and coarsely chop them. Stir them into the sauce too; cook it for 15 minutes more and it's done.

While the meat's cooking, simmer the peas until they're tender. Then remove them from the fire, drain them, and let them cool. Dice the mozzarella into half-inch cubes and combine it with the cool peas.

The other thing to do while the meat is cooking is prepare the rice: boil it in abundant, lightly salted water, and while it's cooking lightly beat two of the eggs. When the rice is done drain it. Transfer it into a bowl, let it cool slightly, and stir in the beaten eggs, grated cheese, and saffron. Let it finish cooling.

When everything else is ready, lightly beat the remaining eggs and season them with salt and pepper. Then, preheat your oven to 350 F (180 C). Next, make the first arancino by taking two small handfuls of rice and shaping them into hollow hemispheres Fill the hollows with some of the meat, and some of the peas, and mold the two halves together to obtain a smooth-sided rice ball about the size of a small orange (1.5 - 2 inches in diameter). Roll the arancino in flour, dredge it in the beaten egg, roll it well in the breadcrumbs, and fry it in abundant hot oil. While it's cooking begin with the next, and when the one that's frying has become a golden brown drain it on absorbent paper. When you have finished frying all your arancini, heat them through in the oven for five minutes, decorate them with the orange leaves if you choose to, and serve them piping hot.

Just Another Day at Cute Puppy Headquarters

My little gal is sportin' her latest acquisitions from Pet Flys, Inc.

For quality pet apparel, carriers, toys and other cute items, visit their site:

www.petflys.com

Projects - Animated Style

Houston! We have erection!

They told me "it" would happen but that one floppy ear had me sweatin' bullets. Being a Virgo, I tend to feel a little unsettled if something is out of proportion and this little gal's floppy ear had me very unsettled. When she first came, it was flopping ::gasps:: backward. About a week later, it moved to the forward flopping position.

This morning I woke up to find out that the "un-floppy ear" fairy had worked her magic and my little gal's right ear was standing up nice and straight....just like her left one!

She looks a little confused in the photo. That's because this evil pet owner, took this picture was taken at 4:45 am and woke her up from a dead sleep.

We are still working through the name "situation". We have tentatively decided on Bertie and are kinda throwin' it around to see if it sticks. I have to admit that now I feel funny calling her Bertie instead of "puppy".

I have fallen in love with this little gal and now fully understand why people love this charming, little breed.

Where Oh Where Has Customer Service Gone...?

Last week, my family and I decided to go out for dinner. After driving around, we ended up at “Schmarie Shmallenders”. While hubby parked the car, I ran in to get a table. I walked up to the podium where a host and waitress were engrossed in deep conversation. The waitress was sitting on the arm of the couch twirling her hair and chewing gum and ranted about how hung-over she was. The host nodded in agreement and remarked that “the party was hecka sick”. They never looked up at me ONCE.

So there I stood and stood and stood. Bear in mind that I was no more than 2 ½ feet away from them while they were NOT doing their job. Now at 5’9”, I’m hardly “not” noticeable. Here I was, a customer waiting to be acknowledged by people whose very livelihoods depend on customers.

I stood in front of that podium thinking how absurd the situation was. I thought to myself, “should I wave my hands and risk looking like a spastic mime or was a throat-clearing in order? Hmm….what to do?

Being that I am me, I took the unique way out and in a voice dripping in sarcasm, I declared “Welcome to Schmarie Shmallenders. How many in your party, m’am?” Two sets of eyes looked up in horror and the apologies began to stream. I felt victorious as I was finally led to my table. I told my husband of my witter maneuver and he laughed and said "Great. I betcha every employee is gonna spit in your plate." Suffice to say, I chose to eat from their Salad Bar that evening(which is another post in itself, but I digress.)

Just a few days later, I was at the airport waiting for my puppy’s flight to arrive. My daughter and I looking to kill some time, went to the gift shop. While I stood in line at the register with items for purchase, two cashiers babbled on in their native tongue NEVER once acknowledging my presence!

Finally, I just blurted out “Hel-lo? Do you see me standing here WAITING to purchase something, Miss Cashier Lady?” My daughter practically melted. The cashier, not aware that she was being talked down to, muttered something to the affect that she "was busy and to wait a minute" and she continued to talk and giggle in her native tongue to a co-worker. I carefully set my purchases down on the counter and waited. And. Stewed. When her chit chat was over, she finally began to ring my items up without looking up, without an apology, nothing. Did she thank me for shopping with them? Did she wish me a nice day? Nope.

Last vent (I promise). WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW HOW TO COUNT BACK CHANGE? When I first started working (a million years ago) at Emporium, we were trained to count change back to the customer. If the purchase was $14.87, we handed the customer 13 cents and said "fifteen and five makes 20. Thank you for shopping with us. Please come back soon."

Nowadays, change is plunked into my grubby mits and the change is NEVER counted back to me and worse yet, the only "thank you" I hear is the one coming from my mouth when they hand me my change!

Other than moving to an "uncharted isle", or never shopping again (which my husband would love), my only option as a consumer is to continue being treated insignificantly or shop online (which I do at every available opportunity!)

I got animals comin' out of my ears!

Anyone who owns a cat knows that they think everything that comes into their home belongs to them.

Here's Olly in the puppy's new doggie carrier which just got delivered today.

He looks just plain silly in a pink dog carrier.







As you can tell, the puppy could careless. All's well as long as she has her chewie. Which incidentally, is almost as big as she is.

She's a good little puppy. I think we lucked out









Our cat Bella would NEVER lower herself to be placed in a dog carrier. (You can see Olly just peeking out of the box behind her. This is the box that the pet carrier arrived in.).

Ugh....................Rain Damage (again!)

It's raining, it's pouring, our ground floor toilet has mud coming up through the toilet and shower!

This sounds "expensive"!

Oh, the plight of the homeowner!

Crazy Cat

If our cat sees an empty box, he will hole up and just lay there for hours.

No Name

This little baby "needs" a name. She's been with us for four days now and she's an absolute doll! A nameless doll.

For the life of me, I can't come up with a name!

I feel like I need to take my time to find an appropriate name for her.

There are certain conditions that must be met when naming a pet. I must be able to add an "ie" or "y"to the end of the name. We have a "Max" who I refer to as "Maxy Waxy". We have a Petey and an Ollie and a Bella whose expanding girth justifies the moniker "Belly". There's one exception to this rule and that's Fiona whom I usually refer to as "Feefers".

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. What am I gonna call this little gal? I like Lulu; no one else does. I liked "Mini (Pooper); no one else did. I even tried to go all celebrity and tried out Bronx, Brooklyn, Paris, and London and I received a nix, nil, nein and no from the family.

One of my kids wanted to name her "Zorah". Zorah! What kinda name is that? I 86'd that idea with a curl of my upper lip. So for now, she's just "Puppy" or "Puppy Wuppy"